HOCKEY 101

So y'all know I'm currently living in the Peach State where hockey is all but forgotten.  I am making good headway converting my new friends and neighbors.  To their credit they're asking very good questions and are picking up on the game much quicker than I could have hoped for.  They're learning the nuances of the game; it's periods, not halves or quarters.  Icing, hooking, holding, tripping, off sides and the biggie: Pursuing The Altercation.
Then there's the whole hockey vernacular to learn.  I needed some help with this part.  I'm not a huge fan of John Buccigross but he's come up with the following videos that have come in quite handy when helping my new hockey friends understand my "second" language:

Bucci's Hockey Lingo Part One

Bucci's Hockey Lingo Part Two

Sorry for the links instead of straight up video embed - technical difficulties which may or may not be 'stupid user' related.

Many of the newly converted hockey fans here are quickly learning the importance of the goalie, that last line of defence and almost always the hero on any given play. 



But mostly, because if they can do those splits with all that equipment on, well...just let your imagination take over and have a nice little break there...

Win or Lose

This tweet from Russo pretty much sums up the Wild's future: for the players, coaches and even the GM.

#mnwild GM Chuck Fletcher sitting all alone in lower bowl of Pepsi Center. A lot riding on tonight twitter.com/Russostrib/sta…
— Michael Russo (@Russostrib) April 27, 2013

Win or lose, I think Leipold has to look at how this team has been coached, managed and how each individual player has performed/contributed to the current state of inconsistency.  Since you can't really fire the players you have to start with the head coach and the general manager.  I think the picture above speaks volumes for Fletcher already knowing this. 

I'm not going into tonight's game with any faith.  When my hockey partner left the arena after the second period last night I knew this team had blown a hell of a lot more than a game.  For only the second time in the 13 year history of this team has either one of us walked out of a game.  Vicki was hopping mad last night, disgusted, disappointed, let down and heartbroken.  I couldn't console her - the 1200 miles between us and my own anger kept me from saying anything except "you're entitled to feel this way."  This team has a lot to overcome and I'm not just talking about that piss poor performance last night. 

That said - Vicki's texts to me today ranged from:

"In a fine display of maturity, I refuse to wear my Wild sweatshirt today, even though I planned on it."

to:

"OK, Truth here - I'm still going to be excited if we win tonight.  Does that make me lame?"

Me: "Makes you drunk."

Vicki: "True Story." 


I love my hockey partner

Wild at Colorado with EVERYTHING on the line -

Parise deposits the puck for a 1-0 lead and I open a bottle of Reisling, screw-cap style.  Not wasting the good shit on this game.  Although I have to say Relax Reisling is not too shabby.  Half way through the first period and the Wild are owning the Avs.  It should be noted that Columbus and Nashville are tied 0-0 after their first period.  Varlamov is coming up big for the Avs in goal as MN puts shot after shot on net.  Then, just before the first period ends the Avs score and I drink a glass of wine. In one gulp.

Tuning into the Jackets/Preds game and see Shea Weber score on 'Lumbus (#Lumbus for you tweeters).  So far, so good.  Refill the wine glass.  Wonder if there's chocolate in the house?  Switch over to the Wings/Stars game and see Wings leading 1-0 in their second period.  Put a hold on chocolate search for now.

Second period for Wild/Avs and the Avs have come out swinging.  MN does not show up, nothing new here.  Scrambling in our zone and the Avs appear to score.  I say appear to score because as I was finsihing my second glass of wine the goal goes under review.  It's disallowed and the Wild dodge a HUGE bullet there.  Kobasew.  I see what you did there.  Where did I put the pretzel M&M's??  Wild wake up and decide to play defensive hockey.  It gets them the first power play of the game.  Holy extended pressure, Bettman - Wild actually score on a power play!  Seto launches a rocket past Varlamov.  Wild up 2-1.  Wings up 3-0 over Dallas in their third period.  Preds still up 1-0 over 'Lumbus.  Bottle of Reisling down 3 glasses and there's lots of hockey left at the Pepsi Center.

Found the chocolate and pulled the second bottle of wine.  Columbus tied the Preds 1-1.  Opened second bottle of wine while stuffing chocolate in face.  Eye twitch starting.  Jackets go up 2-1 just before the start of Wild third period.  Screw the glass, drinking straight from the wine bottle.  Wild responsible for their own destiny now as Detroit won their game and the Jackets did as well.  We are fucked.  I need to be numb to get through the rest of this game.  Half way through the third period and the Wild have ZERO shots on goal.  Just kill me now.  Avs have small meltdown and Wild get 5-3 PP for 55 seconds - which was a huge waste of time since we didn't convert.  Good thing I'm not wasting time on the second bottle of wine - halfway done.  Starting to not care about my eye twitch.  Wild doing everything in their power to lose this game and Backstrom is the only one keeping them in it.  He should just start whacking away at his team mates.  Maybe they'd get the fucking message: CLEAR THE ZONE!  

1:42 left...Backstrom again with a HUGE save while everyone else just stands around picking their noses. 

1:39 left...Avs use their time out and then pull their goalie for the extra man.  I pull the wine bottle into my lap because I need something to hold onto.  My hockey partner is 1200 miles away. 

90 seconds left...can barely watch this game wind down.  Peeking through my fingers covering my eyes.  Epic battles continue in front of Backstrom. 

Bouchard struggles to stuff the puck in an EMPTY NET but finally gets the job done and

OMG WE'RE IN THE FRIGGIN' PLAYOFFS!!! 

3rd Star: Suter with 32:54 minutes of ice time, +2
2nd Star: Seto with the GWG on the power play in the second period
1st Star: Backstrom for standing tall while his team mates screwed around.

Tweet of the Night:
"Zucker just clobbered Zanon on the forecheck. Zanon's beard took the brunt of it"— Michael Russo (@Russostrib) April 28, 2013

Text of the Night:
"Chicago better watch out...this is a team on a roll.  Wait a minute...that's one win in a row..."  Coach Daggett

And just to get you in the mood for playoff hockey -

 


 

Triple Threat

1. Anger
2. Disappointment
3. Shot glass filled with Patron

These three things probably make for one very good reason NOT to blog about your hockey team doing it's very best to lose their last hope for making the playoffs - for the first time since 2008.  In the absolute WORST outing of this season, and that's saying something when you think about some of the craptastic games they've played prior to tonight, the Wild managed to skate themselves into a very dark corner.  They have nobody to blame but themselves.  The consistently inconsistent play they've employed up to this point has put them exactly where they deserve to be: embarrassed and desolate.

It should be noted that the Wild are consistent at one thing:
PLAYING DOWN TO OR BELOW THE LEVEL OF THE SHITTIEST TEAMS IN THE LEAGUE.  The history and stats speak for themselves on this. 

Backstrom was pulled after giving up 3 goals on the first 5 shots the Oilers tossed at him.  He was never even in the game, period.  He looked totally PISSED when the camera showed him sitting on the bench.  Well, you're a sieve from time to time, Backs.  It's the truth.  It happens to every goalie, good or bad, and there's no telling when it's coming your way.  Of course it happens to Backstrom when his Dmen couldn't stop a puck from getting past a brick wall and his forwards couldn't put a puck in the Grand Canyon.  Never a good combo.

Poor Josh Harding didn't fair any better.  He went in the net as 19,990 fans jeered Backs off the ice.  Josh let in 3 more goals.  The camera showed Parise looking like he wished he'd never signed here.  The team got booed off the ice a full 30 seconds before the buzzer sounded the end of the second period.

A moment of recognition for Khabibulin - Still the Bhulin Wall, my hockey friends.  This guy made it look like the Wild were tossing beach balls his way.  The Wild actually outshot the Oilers, tossing 39 of said beach balls at Khabibulin compared to the minimalistic 17 shots our goaltending tandem faced.  Doesn't make it any easier to accept the kind of game we endured.   

A moment of recognition for those Wild players who did generate some pretty drives to the ozone and pressured Khabibulin.  Cullen, Clutterbuck, Setoguchi really brought the effort at times.  Turnovers and the inability to clear our zone negated those efforts as much as the Oilers goaltender did all on his own.      

Third period showed a Wild team on the bench that wouldn't even look at each other.  Yeo was playing cheerleader, which irritates the shit out of me.  Grow a pair of balls and start spewing fire at these guys.  There were a few really good efforts to gain the zone and pepper Khabi and yes, one puck FINALLY went in so, no shut out.  Small consolation for the crowd at the last home game of the season.  Nobody in the stands stood and cheered. 

Yeo did grow a spine late in the period, but spent the energy yelling at somebody on the Oilers bench instead turning that anger on his players who really deserved it.  Mike's patented response of "looking forward, not looking back" is getting old.  He's got one more game before he's quite possibly looking forward to golfing, for a living.  Seriously, who's going to be on the chopping block if the Wild drop from having been the sixth seed to not even going to the dance?  It ain't gonna be Parise or Suter, that's for damn sure. 

Via Russo's Rants let's look at how the Wild have royally cocked it up tonight:

--Wild goes 2-0 and San Jose loses in regulation tomorrow at Los Angeles, and the Wild finishes sixth and plays Vancouver.

--Wild goes 2-0 and San Jose gets a point, the Wild finishes seventh and plays Anaheim

--Wild goes 1-1 (regulation, overtime or shootout win) and Detroit loses at Dallas Saturday in regulation, overtime or shootout), the Wild finishes seventh because of tiebreaker.

--Wild goes 1-1 and Detroit beats Dallas, the Wild finishes eighth.

--Wild goes 0-2 and Columbus loses in regulation to Nashville Saturday, the Wild finishes eighth.

--Wild goes 0-2 and Columbus gets a point Saturday, Wild is eliminated.

Note to the idiots who are the hockey broadcasters on FSN: This is EXACTLY what is known as Backing Into The Playoffs. 
Standing there telling me the Wild DESERVE to be "here" (the playoffs) because they've EARNED it. 
Yep, the Wild certainly deserve to be looking at the ass end of things.  Their INCONSISTENT play and now also having to depend on other teams to lose absolutely put them where they're deserve to be - on the verge of being out of the playoffs with just one game remaining in the regular season.

Tomorrow - when the light of day comes and the Patron has worn off - I'll write about something happy.  Playoff Hockey.  It's the best hockey around.  Even if your team may not be in it, AGAIN.